Needs 4: Uncomfortable Conversations
by SpencerRemyLvr
Summary: Spencer has a few uncomfortable conversations. No sex but rated T for sex talk.


_So, this one is a little shorter, and the second half is slightly awkward, but, well, the second half is loosely based off of a moment in my past and trust me, it was awkward. :/ LoL And no, I'm not telling you which character is 'me' in that scene, my lovelies ;) Anyways, this is just kind of a bridge between the last 'Needs' and the next, and mostly because I had a few PM's asking for this conversation to be put in here even though I wasn't going to originally. So, here it is! Enjoy!_

* * *

Things at work the next day didn't go quite the way he planned. The very first person he ran into was Emily; she was just passing by when Spencer stepped off the elevator. What she didn't wasn't at all what he'd expected. She took one look at him, eyebrows going up and eyes raking over him in a way that brought an instant blush to his cheeks, and then she grabbed his hand and proceeded to yank him down the hallway. "Emily?" He asked. She just said nothing as she stopped outside what he knew was an unused office. A quick look in to make sure it was empty and then she was tugging him inside and shutting the door behind them.

Spencer watched, flabbergasted, as she turned on the light and then closed the blinds before locking the door. It was the door locking that broke through Spencer's stupor. "Emily, what on earth are you doing?"

She turned around to look at him and he saw both amusement and exasperation on her face, not exactly what he'd expected. "Honestly, Reid. If you walk into the bullpen looking like that, you're gonna send Morgan into a full on fit."

He didn't have to ask what she was talking about. His hand immediately went up to his throat where his scarf was attempting, and apparently failing, to hide the marks there.

Laughter bubbled up from Emily and she shook her head. "Yeah, not exactly the best plan, that one. You turned your head and I could see the marks."

Briefly he had a flash to earlier this morning when Remy had wound the scarf around him. He'd been laughing, too, telling Spencer "Dere's no way in hell dis is hiding anyt'ing, petit." Still, he'd wrapped Spencer's neck up, and he'd done his best, though his smug grin never once faded. There was a voice in Spencer that told him he should be furious with Remy for this. Yet again the man had marked him up in a way that couldn't be easily hidden at work and now Spencer was stuck with yet another teammate, another friend, forced to make explanations that he didn't want to have to make. Yet just like last time, he couldn't bring himself to be mad at Remy for this, not when it had been exactly what he wanted. If he was mad at anyone, it was himself. As he looked up at Emily's face, he saw a sort of understanding there that he'd never expected to see, and somewhere deep inside of him came the realization that she _knew_. Not that she'd just figured it out, but that she knew. She had no doubt what the marks were from. There was no surprise to her, no shock, no disgust. No judgment. The first stirrings of panic started in his chest.

It must've showed on his face because Emily reached out to him, lightly touching his arm, and her eyes went wide. "Oh, no, Reid. It's okay. It's all right. I'm not here to yell at you. What you do in your free time is your business and there's no way I'm going to judge you for it."

The steady way she said her words had Spencer's heart slowing back down a bit. Still, he couldn't chase his nerves away entirely, nor banish the shame that always came the day after. "They why did you bring me here?" He asked cautiously.

"To help. I've got some makeup in my purse that should be able to cover up some of that."

Her offer had his eyebrows going up with surprise. Well that hadn't been what he'd expected her to say. His surprise had him speaking before thinking. "I have some down in my locker, for emergency purposes. I was planning on going and getting some."

If that surprise her, she didn't show it. With her one hand still on his arm, she used her other to gesture to the desk. "Well I've got mine on me, so why don't you go ahead and sit down and I'll take a look and see what I can do."

That was how Spencer found himself seated on the desk in this unused office with his scarf and even his over shirt set aside. Emily didn't even tease him about sitting there in the tank top styled undershirt that he wore, thankfully. She seemed to see that he was already vastly uncomfortable and she wasn't making it worse for him. She just looked over his neck with a critical eye and then put her purse on the desk beside him and started to dig inside. "I should be able to mostly cover them up. Your scarf will work for the rest, I think. At most what people will see will be some of the darker hickies. But those are easier to explain away than the rest of it." She handed over a ponytail and told him to pull back his hair so it was out of her way.

Spencer was too stunned to really say or do much other than what he was told at first. It wasn't until she was actually starting to apply the makeup to his neck that he finally managed to find his words again. "Y-You…you're not bothered by this?"

"No." She flicked her eyes up to him and then turned them back to what she was doing. "I've moved around a lot, Reid, and I've known a lot people. You're not the first person I've met who likes things like this. To each their own, you know? Your kinks are your business, just like mine are mine. I'm not going to judge you for them. So long as you and the other person are both consenting adults, I'm fine with it."

"We are." He hurried to reassure her.

She paused to smile up at him. "I figured as much. You're tougher than Morgan gives you credit for. You wouldn't do this if you didn't want to."

"I don't know what I'm doing, Emily." The words just sort of burst out of him. Yet he didn't bother trying to stop them. Closing his eyes, he drew in a shaky breath. "It was just supposed to be a one night thing. I don't see the same person more than once for, for _this_. But with him I just, I keep going back, and now we're supposed to meet after work to talk about limits and safe words and, and I have no idea how I ended up here!"

Emily didn't say anything right away. She stayed quiet, still working at his neck. Finally, just when the pause was starting to stretch too long and the silence was becoming uncomfortable, she asked him a simple question. "Do you want him?"

That took no thought at all. "Yes."

"Does he give you what you need?"

"Yes." God, yes.

"Does he treat you right?"

Again, Spencer had no hesitation before answering. "Yes." Better than anyone else ever had.

"Then it sounds simple to me." She pulled her hand back and looked at his neck a moment longer before nodding her head. She closed up her makeup and put it back into her purse. Then she straightened p and met him eye for eye. "I think you're thinking too hard and letting other people get to you. From what you're telling me, you two are two consenting, healthy adults who both want one another. You say he gives you what you need and he treats you well, and you said he's even sitting down with you to talk limits and safe words, which tells me he's smart and serious enough about this to take care of you right, something that's very important. In my opinion, you've got a good thing going for you here, Reid. Don't let other people mess it up for you."

That right there was the crux of it. It wasn't really Spencer's doubts or fears that had been plaguing him; it was voices of the past, voices of the present. Other people who had told him how wrong he was, or called him a freak. Derek's oh-so-concerned voice, wanting to know why he would ever want to let someone hurt him. Around Remy, those voices became muted, easy to ignore. Remy had enough strength and confidence for the both of them. It was when Spencer was away from him, when he was home alone or faced with his friends here at work that he found those old voices rising up to the surface.

He looked into Emily's eyes and found only caring and acceptance there. She had strength and confidence there as well that Spencer found himself relaxing under. Not like with Remy, no. No one had ever made him feel quite like Remy did. But there was comfort to be found in the strength and confidence of a friend. In knowing that they had your back, no matter what. Spencer saw that in Emily's gaze and he let it warm through him and chase away some of the doubts and fears that were in him. It was a hell of a gift; one he knew the value of. Pushing past his usual boundaries, he reached out and briefly took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. "Thank you."

"Anytime." She promised. And he knew that those words were just that—a promise.

Smiling, feeling much better than he had when he came in, Spencer followed his friend out of the office.

* * *

That night came quick enough. To Spencer's surprise, no one questioned him about anything, though he knew they had to have noticed the tender way he sat or any of the marks on his neck that makeup and a scarf couldn't hide. Still, no one said anything and for that he was grateful. He had absolutely no idea that Emily ran interference for him. He was out getting coffee when Emily cornered Derek in the hallway and told him, in no uncertain terms, to "Back off Reid today. I know you care about him, but all you're doing is hurting him. You're a good friend, Morgan, but I'm warning you to leave him alone today. He's got enough on his mind without you adding to it."

By the time Spencer got back to his seat, Emily was coming back in the room as well and she smiled sweetly at him, never giving away that she'd basically just threatened their friend. Spencer smiled back at her and went back to paperwork, not seeing Derek some in looking slightly shell-shocked.

Eventually evening rolled around and the team was dismissed for the weekend. Spencer detoured after work to go to his apartment and grab a few things, taking the time to shower and get himself clean and changed into casual clothes, and then he made his way back to the hotel room. When he knocked on the door, Remy answered rather quickly, but he was talking rapidly into a cell phone. Still, his grin stretched wide at the sight of Spencer and he gestured for him to come in.

Spencer went and set his bag down beside the couch. He was just straightening back up when he heard Remy say "_Non, non_, it aint no t'ing. Y' just tell Scotty he'll have to wait. He can kiss m'ass." Pausing, Remy let out a husky laugh that had Spencer shivering. "Ah, _oui_, y' too, _mon ami_! See y' Monday." And then he was snapping his phone shut and slipping it into his pocket. He turned towards Spencer, who was standing slightly awkwardly by the couch, and his grin grew a little. Then, before Spencer could think to say a word, Remy closed the distance between them and caught Spencer's face between his hands, yanking him in for a kiss that went straight to Spencer's cock and had him groaning deep in his throat.

Pulling back, Remy grinned at the look on Spencer's face; the half closed eyes, the swollen lips. He ran his thumb over Spencer's bottom lip. "Dat's a good look fo' y'."

"Remy." Spencer wasn't quite sure what he meant with that, just that it was all that came out.

Remy smiled in an almost gentle way. "_Désolé_. I told m'self I'd keep control till we talked. Y' just got such a kissable mouth, petit. I couldn't help it." He leaned in, nipping once at Spencer's lip, and then he let go completely and took a full step back. "C'mon. I can see we better get dis talk started or else neither one of us is gonna be able to t'ink straight."

That was how Spencer found himself seated on one end of the couch, legs drawn up, while Remy took the other end. The two sat there facing one another and Spencer cursed himself, because he was already blushing and dammit, they hadn't even started yet!

It seemed to amuse Remy. The Cajun settled down into his corner of the couch and watched Spencer with eyes that were lit with humor. "Well, I can see I'm gonna have to be de one to start dis." He said with a laugh. And start it he did. Without hesitation, he began speaking, and Spencer's blush only grew as he listened.

Remy was frank with him about, well, everything. His past experience, what he liked and didn't like, and what he liked in a partner. Pretty much anything. Remy laid it all out there for Spencer like it was just the most normal thing in the world. And he wasn't the least bit shy about listing what he _didn't_ like. "I got a few set hard limits. Scat, urine, needles, electro play, infant play, medical scenes, and branding. I won't budge on dose." He said firmly. He was so straightforward about it all. That more than anything else helped to set Spencer at ease enough to talk about his needs and limits and experience.

Never before had Spencer talked so openly about his needs or about the limits he set. He'd never realized just how few limits he really had defined. It wasn't that he was open to everything; it was just that he'd always known what he'd wanted and he'd never deviated from that. But he and Remy ran down the whole gamut of different things that could be done together and Spencer discovered a few hard limits, things he would _never_ do, and even a few soft limits, things that he didn't think he'd want to do, but might be open to doing later. He also discovered a few things that he knew he wanted to try, based off of how he reacted to just the suggestion of it.

For the first time, Spencer didn't find judgment of any kind for what he listed. "Our limits match pretty perfectly, it seems. But I'd add humiliation. I also don't share. That, that's a big one for me." Spencer fought not to drop his gaze down as he usually would. He made himself meet Remy's eyes just to make sure the man understood how serious he was. "I'm not into multiple partners and sharing amongst a group and I don't like being given away to someone or told I have to service a friend." He'd been in that situation once and it was a situation he never wanted to have to be in again.

"I don't share." The firm, serious way Remy said it left no doubt to the truth of his words.

"Good." Though his cheeks heated a little more, Spencer kept his gaze up. "The only other thing I can think to add that's a big no for me is bestiality. I don't play with real animals. I'm not against puppy play…" He had to pause to swallow there, remembering one time, years ago. For a second he could remember the feel of the collar on his neck, the tail that he'd worn, and then he blinked the memory away. "…but I won't do anything that involves actual animals."

Discussing what they didn't want was so much easier than discussing what they did. It was there that Spencer finally couldn't hold back his embarrassment. Talking about something that he'd always been made to feel ashamed of was almost more than he could take. Remy seemed to realize that and he was patient and kind with him about it, but he was relentless. He didn't let Spencer get away with small answers. A simple "I like pain" was met with plenty of questions from Remy, like "What kind of pain?" or "How much? Are y' talking like rough sex, biting, or do y' mean harder t'ings, like spankings, whipping, flogging?" And Spencer, blushing the whole time, made himself answer with complete honesty. To that last question, it was a simple "All of those."

It was almost scary just how well matched they found themselves. And where they weren't the same, they compromised. Remy wasn't interested in being called Master for anything, but he was fine with it when Spencer told him that, in a certain frame of mind, 'sir' might slip past his lips. Remy had no problem with providing Spencer the pain he wanted, but he firmly told him "I won't whip y'. Floggers, canes, belts, I've used dose. _Mais_ I won't use a whip. Ever." Which Spencer quickly told him was fine. Of all the implements, a whip was his least favorite, so he wasn't bothered by not having it. The one thing that Spencer usually worried about with people, though, was one that Remy had already proven he had no troubles with. Choking was something that Spencer had found few people were really comfortable with, and even fewer knew how to do it properly. Remy did great and had no issues with it whatsoever, he promised.

All the talk of their interests, of their hard and soft limits, was just a layout for them. "It don't mean we're gonna do dem all." Remy told him. "I know dat some of it's always gonna be dere. De domination, y' need dat, and y' need de pain. I understand. Some of de t'ings we listed we liked, though, we might never do. I don't know. But it's better to know dese t'ings b'fore de situation comes up. Now dat we've talked about it, we know our boundaries. We know where we can and can't safely go. An if anyt'ing changes in dere, we'll talk about it again. It don't mean we gotta do de t'ings we listed dat we like. We can still do what feels right at de time. But we can play _safer_ now and dat's what's important."

Despite the embarrassment that Spencer had felt in doing this, it felt good to actually lay it all out this way. He knew now that Remy understood what it was he was looking for and what he didn't want, and in return he understood what Remy did and didn't want as well. That was the smart way to do this. Remy was right, they'd be able to play safer now. Spencer knew the encounters he'd indulged in for so many years hadn't really been that safe. Picking up a stranger for a night to take you rough and hard the way that Spencer had wasn't the safest plan. He'd been lucky. Hell, a few times, he'd been unlucky, and he'd had to deal with days and days of recovery. Yet it had never been enough to stop him. Never enough to take away the need. All it'd done was serve to make his shame deeper.

But when he looked across the couch at Remy and the Cajun smiled at him with such pride, as if he knew how hard this had been for Spencer and was honestly proud of him for it, the shame that Spencer usually felt was pushed back and something warm took its place. Maybe the people in Spencer's past were right and he was so very wrong for feeling the way that he did. He didn't know. But in this moment, with Remy looking at him like that, with the heat and pride in those devil eyes, Spencer found he just didn't care.


End file.
